[ It takes Korone an hour to write this text, and then another to actually hit the send button ]
Hey Wash-nii Are you up for a serious talk specifically a serious talk that starts with me sitting on you If the answer is "no" or "not yet" that's okay (genuinely)
Ugh. I am. [ She so is. Her wings flick and she shakes them out, then her hands. Then both again for good measure. It helps, as does reminding herself that she kinda has a job to do, here. ]
I'm just worried. It'll be fine. You wanna snack first, talk, or multitask?
Stop that. [ That much, at least, she says mildly, like the joke it is. Asking Wash to stop being a motherhen is like asking the world to stop turning. ]
[ Up they go! ]
You get comfy first. I was serious about sitting on you.
... And then licks at some of the excess cream cheese from her bagel, because it does smell delicious even if the thought of actually trying to eat it is a little - ]
[ She flicks her wings. Shakes her head. And once Wash seems settled and comfy, she climbs in to flop on his lap, thoroughly cat-like in the way she makes herself at home. ]
... This is - it's gonna be hard for me to talk about. I haven't ... I haven't had to — try to explain it to anyone yet. Macchan was there when it happened, and thank god he was, he did everything right — and Kantera knows 'cuz Macchan intercepted him coming to visit me. [ Another tentative lick of cream cheese. Mlem. More to soothe her rattling nerves than anything else. ] And it's gonna be hard to listen to, because it was … because it was bad. And it shouldn't have happened.
And —
And I know if someone — if it happened to you. If I was there. If I found out later.
I know what I'd do. What I'd want to do. And it wouldn't be pretty.
[ And that's why she's preemptively sitting on him. She's acting as a buffer — a reminder to check himself if his temper starts to fray. ]
[He's eating his bagel as she settles. Watches as she just licks the cream cheese. That's worrying. She's not usually one to be especially tentative while eating. This is more Donnie behavior.]
[Why is she struggling to eat?]
I assume he would at least be trying to do everything right. [Mac's a good egg. Fuck ups are likely to be unintentional and he'd kick himself harder for them than Wash ever could.]
[Her description of what happened is getting more and more worrying.]
...Choco, what happened? [Well, at least his voice is even so far.]
The nerves she's trying to breathe through, because she wants to be able to use her words like a goddamn reasonable person. The fear she's trying not to fall back into because that was then and this is now and she's here. Wash is here. Her brother is warm and solid and Korone can taste sweet strawberry cream cheese. She's home. The scents of safety and comfort are all around her. ]
… You know about MK-san's — that he was — that he's jealous, right? [ There's not a chance in hell Wash would have missed it; he's too good at reading people and MK isn't exactly subtle. ] He told me. Not that I hadn't noticed already. He ... he wasn't. Subtle. The first time we met in person. But he admitted it outright before the heart game, and it felt like ... like he wanted to move past it. He wanted to be friends.
So ...
That time I texted you. Macchan was covered in Macaquimals and MK and me were gonna spar — just a training game. For fun.
[ Hm. Bagels are not the ideal fidget toy, turns out. Too messy. She starts tapping with her foot instead and takes another lick or two of the cream cheese, more to buy herself time than anything. If she's thinking about the taste and the texture she's not thinking too hard about -
Mmmnope.
Wash's arm curling around her helps. She lets out the breath she hadn't realised she'd been holding, leaning into his hold. Wash has her. It's fine. She's fine. She can do this. She wants to do this. She wants to be heard. ]
I had ... a feeling. A few times. That something was off. That he wasn't ... he didn't - [ A frustrated huff, and then a four count. ] Sometimes when I was talking to him, it felt like there was a wall between us. But I didn't push, because I thought ... hoped, he really did want to be friends. I thought ... if I showed him my door was open, he could choose for himself. He'd know his own limits. I trusted him. [ She shouldn't have. ]
... He doesn't have perfect control over his monkey form. Not great, but as long as he knew his limits, right? It was just a training game. For fun. No pressure. All he had to do was be honest.
But ... he wasn't. And when he couldn't break my bubble shield -
He was trying to work through those feelings. He wasn't very subtle, but he was trying. [Wash could see it, at least. That's why they HAD a talk.]
[He frowns, he's just gonna put the rest of the bagel in his mouth. Chew on it as she talks because she's definitely working through SOMETHING in drawing this out. He didn't have control. He can't imagine that Choco nor Macaque would hide a horrible injury from him, Choco knows better, and he doesn't think Macaque could take the guilt of it.]
[He had mentioned something of an incident with MK recently that he didn't get why he was so worked up about. Was this the incident?]
[ Definitely not trying to draw it out on purpose. She's trying so, so very hard not to spiral back into those moments, or into all the stupid ways she blames herself for what happened. Having time to process by herself helped, she'd desperately needed it, but it's still hard to talk about. To really try to come to terms with what happened, and open up about it with someone else.
With Wash, who will know better than almost anyone exactly how bad it was. ]
... He got frustrated. I don't ... I don't know for sure if all that rage was really for me. Maybe it was. Maybe it wasn't. But I was still - he still lashed out. At me. He wanted the shield to break. He wanted -
He wanted me.
To break.
[ She's starting to shiver. ]
Did you know ... back when we first found out about the brain surgery. About how wrong it went, and Donnie and Red Son were scrambling to stabilise him ... MK was struggling with it. O-Obviously. Understandably. Trying to bite it back so he could help. And he, he reached out. At one point. Telepathically. Donnie warned him to never do it again. He knew, Wash-nii. MK. He knew.
[He's going to hug her tighter, rubbing slow circles at her back, under the wings. Slowly tapping a four count. Something to focus on to help center herself on.]
[He didn't like how she was describing this. MK taking out his rage on Choco, whether or not it was for her wasn't a good thing. Also a sign of something being really wrong because MK wasn't exactly the lashing out at people type, that couldn't be normal behavior.]
[Break her.]
[Why is he doing that?]
[The frown deepens as she talks about the brain surgery. Was he mad at Choco about it? Even taking out the nuance, it was a thing Donnie had done, and while being upset was understandable, taking Donnie's actions out on Choco was not an understandable reaction in the slightest-]
[ She knows this hug, these arms, she knows the shape and weight of her brother's hands and the way he offers comfort. She knows the four count and the steady, grounding taps. She knows she's holding a bagel, given to her by Wash, because she's his sister, Choco Korone. Her name is Choco Korone. Her name is Choco Korone and she's curled up in her big brother's lap holding a strawberry cream cheese bagel. ]
[ It takes her a moment to find the thread back to the conversation. ]
When he lashed out … in the spar —
It wasn't physical.
[ She could have taken a hit with far more grace. She'd have seen it coming; might even have stood a chance of defending herself if she'd had time to cast. But if that's all it had been, she wouldn't have had to defend herself. Macaque was right there, he'd have heard it, seen it, stepped in to stop it before anyone got hurt.
And that makes it so much worse. Because on top of deliberately targeting a trigger, it was a trigger that neither Korone nor Macaque could possibly have seen coming. Had he known that? Was that part deliberate, too? ]
I — I don't … I d-don't think he meant to — I don't — [ She swallows hard. ] If he'd been. If h-he'd. Had full control. What … what he did was — bad. He isn't.
[ She pushes her forehead against Wash's shoulder and whispers, ]
… He used telepathy against me. He … he screamed at me to break.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
May 31
Hey Wash-nii
Are you up for a serious talk
specifically a serious talk that starts with me sitting on you
If the answer is "no" or "not yet" that's okay (genuinely)
Re: May 31
Re: May 31
Thanks
where are you?
Re: May 31
There's strawberry cream cheese.
Re: May 31
I'm in my room when you get home
Re: May 31
I'll be there in a few minutes.
Re: May 31
[ AND SHE ...
will wear the floor out from pacing in the meantime. ]
Re: May 31
Hey.
Re: May 31
(the fact that she jumped at all is probably telling.) ]
Hey, Wash-nii. Thanks for the bagel.
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Re: May 31
Ugh. I am. [ She so is. Her wings flick and she shakes them out, then her hands. Then both again for good measure. It helps, as does reminding herself that she kinda has a job to do, here. ]
I'm just worried. It'll be fine. You wanna snack first, talk, or multitask?
Re: May 31
Re: May 31
... Probably ... ]
C'mon. Pillowfort. [ The one up in her li'l loft space. ]
Re: May 31
[Following along to pillowfort.]
Re: May 31
[ Up they go! ]
You get comfy first. I was serious about sitting on you.
Re: May 31
[He huffs, but he'll take a bite of his bagel before climbing into the pillowfort and flop down to get comfortable.]
Re: May 31
... And then licks at some of the excess cream cheese from her bagel, because it does smell delicious even if the thought of actually trying to eat it is a little - ]
[ She flicks her wings. Shakes her head. And once Wash seems settled and comfy, she climbs in to flop on his lap, thoroughly cat-like in the way she makes herself at home. ]
... This is - it's gonna be hard for me to talk about. I haven't ... I haven't had to — try to explain it to anyone yet. Macchan was there when it happened, and thank god he was, he did everything right — and Kantera knows 'cuz Macchan intercepted him coming to visit me. [ Another tentative lick of cream cheese. Mlem. More to soothe her rattling nerves than anything else. ] And it's gonna be hard to listen to, because it was … because it was bad. And it shouldn't have happened.
And —
And I know if someone — if it happened to you. If I was there. If I found out later.
I know what I'd do. What I'd want to do. And it wouldn't be pretty.
[ And that's why she's preemptively sitting on him. She's acting as a buffer — a reminder to check himself if his temper starts to fray. ]
Re: May 31
[Why is she struggling to eat?]
I assume he would at least be trying to do everything right. [Mac's a good egg. Fuck ups are likely to be unintentional and he'd kick himself harder for them than Wash ever could.]
[Her description of what happened is getting more and more worrying.]
...Choco, what happened? [Well, at least his voice is even so far.]
Re: May 31
The nerves she's trying to breathe through, because she wants to be able to use her words like a goddamn reasonable person. The fear she's trying not to fall back into because that was then and this is now and she's here. Wash is here. Her brother is warm and solid and Korone can taste sweet strawberry cream cheese. She's home. The scents of safety and comfort are all around her. ]
… You know about MK-san's — that he was — that he's jealous, right? [ There's not a chance in hell Wash would have missed it; he's too good at reading people and MK isn't exactly subtle. ] He told me. Not that I hadn't noticed already. He ... he wasn't. Subtle. The first time we met in person. But he admitted it outright before the heart game, and it felt like ... like he wanted to move past it. He wanted to be friends.
So ...
That time I texted you. Macchan was covered in Macaquimals and MK and me were gonna spar — just a training game. For fun.
Re: May 31
We had a whole talk where I explained shady people with trust issues are like jars. Easier for the second person to get in after the first.
It seemed to have helped him understand things better.
[His eyes narrow and an arm wraps around her for comfort, but he's not sure he likes where this is going.]
Why?
Re: May 31
Mmmnope.
Wash's arm curling around her helps. She lets out the breath she hadn't realised she'd been holding, leaning into his hold. Wash has her. It's fine. She's fine. She can do this. She wants to do this. She wants to be heard. ]
I had ... a feeling. A few times. That something was off. That he wasn't ... he didn't - [ A frustrated huff, and then a four count. ] Sometimes when I was talking to him, it felt like there was a wall between us. But I didn't push, because I thought ... hoped, he really did want to be friends. I thought ... if I showed him my door was open, he could choose for himself. He'd know his own limits. I trusted him. [ She shouldn't have. ]
... He doesn't have perfect control over his monkey form. Not great, but as long as he knew his limits, right? It was just a training game. For fun. No pressure. All he had to do was be honest.
But ... he wasn't. And when he couldn't break my bubble shield -
The wall started to break instead. His wall.
Re: May 31
[He frowns, he's just gonna put the rest of the bagel in his mouth. Chew on it as she talks because she's definitely working through SOMETHING in drawing this out. He didn't have control. He can't imagine that Choco nor Macaque would hide a horrible injury from him, Choco knows better, and he doesn't think Macaque could take the guilt of it.]
[He had mentioned something of an incident with MK recently that he didn't get why he was so worked up about. Was this the incident?]
[What could his wall even mean in this context?]
Re: May 31
With Wash, who will know better than almost anyone exactly how bad it was. ]
... He got frustrated. I don't ... I don't know for sure if all that rage was really for me. Maybe it was. Maybe it wasn't. But I was still - he still lashed out. At me. He wanted the shield to break. He wanted -
He wanted me.
To break.
[ She's starting to shiver. ]
Did you know ... back when we first found out about the brain surgery. About how wrong it went, and Donnie and Red Son were scrambling to stabilise him ... MK was struggling with it. O-Obviously. Understandably. Trying to bite it back so he could help. And he, he reached out. At one point. Telepathically. Donnie warned him to never do it again. He knew, Wash-nii. MK. He knew.
Re: May 31
[He didn't like how she was describing this. MK taking out his rage on Choco, whether or not it was for her wasn't a good thing. Also a sign of something being really wrong because MK wasn't exactly the lashing out at people type, that couldn't be normal behavior.]
[Break her.]
[Why is he doing that?]
[The frown deepens as she talks about the brain surgery. Was he mad at Choco about it? Even taking out the nuance, it was a thing Donnie had done, and while being upset was understandable, taking Donnie's actions out on Choco was not an understandable reaction in the slightest-]
He knew.
What do you mean he knew?
Re: May 31
[ The bagel helps. ]
[ She knows this hug, these arms, she knows the shape and weight of her brother's hands and the way he offers comfort. She knows the four count and the steady, grounding taps. She knows she's holding a bagel, given to her by Wash, because she's his sister, Choco Korone. Her name is Choco Korone. Her name is Choco Korone and she's curled up in her big brother's lap holding a strawberry cream cheese bagel. ]
[ It takes her a moment to find the thread back to the conversation. ]
When he lashed out … in the spar —
It wasn't physical.
[ She could have taken a hit with far more grace. She'd have seen it coming; might even have stood a chance of defending herself if she'd had time to cast. But if that's all it had been, she wouldn't have had to defend herself. Macaque was right there, he'd have heard it, seen it, stepped in to stop it before anyone got hurt.
And that makes it so much worse. Because on top of deliberately targeting a trigger, it was a trigger that neither Korone nor Macaque could possibly have seen coming. Had he known that? Was that part deliberate, too? ]
I — I don't … I d-don't think he meant to — I don't — [ She swallows hard. ] If he'd been. If h-he'd. Had full control. What … what he did was — bad. He isn't.
[ She pushes her forehead against Wash's shoulder and whispers, ]
… He used telepathy against me. He … he screamed at me to break.
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